Paddy is back in Ireland.   Paddy is not quite sure what to make of this.

Many things have happened, Ireland is a lot quieter than it was and certainly a lot quieter than a rural Chinese city full of lunatic drivers.  You would miss that and the jet engines.  It sounds like a contradiction that a rural city is noiser than a capital city but trust me it is.

I’ve joined the Ireland China Association and been to the opening of Chinese New Year in Dublin.  A lot of bluster from the Mayor about Dublin and Beijing being twinned.  To be honest I don’t think enough is being done about public safety to be able to put young Chinese in Dublin city centre and be able to sleep at night.  The mayor is more concerned with making traffic go at walking speed to preserve pedestrians long enough to get mugged on the footpath.  You wouldn’t notice it if you live here but if you go and come back you see it.

In positive developments Tipperary Crystal are on a roll and from what I have seen and heard are going to be an Irish brand that will fly in China.  I’m really impressed with what they have done and how they have presented themselves to China.

The only other brands I have ever seen in China have been Guinness, Baileys and Jameson.  I did see Kerrygold cheese once in Hangzhou.  That’s it.  One massive market and in general we aren’t at the races.  I’ve been in supermarkets and stores in nine Chinese cities and pretty much nothing is Irish.  Plenty of EU dairy products, Austria, France, Canada, Germany well represented but not us.  I tweeted about this and got helpful answers like “do it yourself” and “it’s too far”.  Lovely.

So I’m doing things for myself.  I’ve  a big hush hush project in the works that might or might not come off.  Theres a lot of work in it and it will involve travelling all over China eventually.  Its taken me a few days to get my head around the scale of it too.  My bet on China might pay off after all.  I wouldn’t have had a hope if I hadn’t gone to China to see on the ground how to do it and I wouldn’t have the knowledge I have now.

I took a Chinese lesson since I got back with beginner students.  Its great to see Irish people taking an interest.  I also found out how appalling my Chinese is too.  I know the tones to some things and can bluster other things but its nowhere near good enough. I do know that you have to say it like you mean it or else nobody will understand you.  I also learned that in common with the Irish the Chinese I have been hanging out with have the foulest language imaginable.  This includes my students.

I was on TV for the third time which is always funny.  In China you learn to expect the unexpected and having a film crew rock up when you are giving exams is up there.  Not quite up there with the student that climbed out a second floor window to rescue a paper airplane from a tree but up there.

Here is the video.  If you can read Chinese you can tell where I was.  

But today one girl knocked it out of the park.  Her English name is, and she is adamant it is, Stephen Hawking.

Even the guy that named himself Devil can’t beat that one.

Its tempting to want to document each and every thing.  Its tempting to video it all.  But you can’t.  I see people at the most extraordinary places and events on earth and they are missing them by taking endless crappy photos or shooting video.

You can’t save life, you can’t capture every moment on your camera and you certainly can’t blog it all.

Like yesterday, past my window, out of nowhere, came these kids on rollerblades with tiny neon lights on the shoes in a column behind some other kid with a giant stereo.

This kind of thing happens every day here.

15 years ago I was just after finishing being an intern in IBM.  I loved it.

10 years ago I was just after moving to the US and living in Queens, New York the day before 9/11.  Life was good but soon to change utterly.

5 years ago I working on two exciting projects.  Both were a lot of fun at times.

1 year ago I had got the third Krav Maga belt and moved to China.  Neither of which I expected to ever have done.

Today I’m still in China.  I’m still not quite sure what’s going on all the time but I get by.

So the student results are posted and distributed and summer is here with a bang its time to escape from this city for a while.  My time isn’t finished and I’ll be back trying to make them speak in September.

Students "listening"

The weather has changed.  We had weeks of epic rain along with spectacular lightning and epic thunder rolls.  One night we thought that the river was going to burst its banks but thankfully the rain stopped and gave it a chance to get back to a normal level.  All the debris that was thrown up by the river into the trees was cleaned up almost immediately and not left to linger like it might in other countries.  The organisation when things need to be organised or when things go wrong here still impresses me.

Of course I have no photos of this organisation because I don’t get up as early as the locals so here is a picture of a church.

One of only two churchs I have found here.

What I do know about is going to KTV or karaoke bars.  I’ve been more times than I can remember and I’ve murdered far too many good songs.  Murdering songs is the name of the game and songs in Chinese, English and Korean get the same brutal treatment.  One of my friends is still sore about one of the Chinese girls turning off Thriller just as it was getting good and putting on Black or White.  He still talks about it.  It was like the FULL length video of Thriller and took a few minutes to get going.  I thought there was going to be slaps!

They take KTV very seriously here.  Well the dudes I hang out with do.  They play dice, sing, play dice, yell, dance, eat, yell and then go and eat more.  Yelling is very important in China.

Having not studied and gone to KTV far too many times my only Chinese is ordering food, forcing losing players to drink after losing a drinking game and getting a taxi home.  Also telling the security to open the gate.  I know a few other things like telling people I’m hungry or to wait and some colours.  I’ve picked up a crew that pretty much only speaks Chinese to me and each other so in the coming months I should improve.

I also know half the words of this song.  Because they play it every time we go to KTV.  Which is a lot.

Next on the list is a bit of traveling.

I don’t know how to say hard disk in Chinese.

But I do know where to go to get one.

There are these computer malls with knockoffs, real computers, fakes and components in every city. If you want to make your own 2001 spec Windows XP gaming machine you are in luck here. Once I was into that but I’ve built so many computers I have no more interest in spending a week wondering why this isn’t compatible with that and why its got cooling problems.

Cooling problems are the bane of my life. cars, apartments and computers.

So before I thought about it too long I was on the K15 bus and off into the computer mall. Its filled with low tables like Arnotts of old used to be. Back in the days when I was forced into scratchy grey trousers for school. Filled with cabinets crammed with USB drives, phones, laptops, webcams, power supplies and people building desktops and people chatting on QQ.

She saw me before I saw her. I had no chance. She asked me what I wanted. Well, thats what I think she asked. She could have told me anything. If it’s outside a few limited topics in Chinese and its not them saying to their mate that this foreigner can’t speak Chinese I’m stumped.

Have you ever tried to mime a hard disk? You should try it. Its educational. Its much much better to try to do it in an language you don’t understand first.

She kept bringing me external hard disks. Almost right. I mimed breaking them and I think after the first eight times doing this she got it but to be sure she kept me at it. Then she said it. “me yo” haven’t got. So she did what they do in China. She yelled at someone else who disappeared to get one.

She came back and, yes it was the right size, yes it was the right shape and yes I wanted it. I didn’t want it, I needed it. This and the fact that I had forgotten how to say too much meant my already minimal haggling hand was weaker.

I was prepared to pay 500 and she came out with 400 so that did it for me and I handed over the cash. I’m sure it was over the odds but the drive works and losing my data is more expensive than the €43 I gave her. I’ve had too many hard disks pack up and die to be bothered fighting over a few quai. I’ll save that for the market where its all life or death bargaining over a hat or a tea cosy.

Well the heat is back.

Its 34 degrees today and has been around this temperature for the past week with occasional rain.

I don’t want the cold back but I would love to be able to go out and not inhale a lungful of midges or tiny black flies.  These seem to congregate at around head height.

The number of unwanted visitors to my apartment has increased. Giant beetles impaling themselves on my light and one evening I found a small frog downstairs.

I released him into the grass before he found himself on a skewer or in a pot.  I know frogs taste good because I had some on Sunday night.

A tiny frog visitor.

There doesn’t seem to be a train there and it looks like I won’t have a posse.  It’s getting warmer here now so if I leave it too long its going to be incredibly hot and sticky on the climb.

Looks beautiful there and seems to be worth a visit.

Although today I was given a warning about the dangers of foreign teachers climbing the locked gates after spending the evening in the pub.  The non-existent dangers.  We go out, we come back, we aren’t seen by students and we don’t make a fuss.

Those that do make a fuss are the SIXTEEN cameras between the gate and my bed. Always watching and since Spring Festival have been busting my chops every time I roll home late.

Heres how it goes.

After running towards me at 2am with sticks out and yelling in Chinese. (Cheers Edsko and Ray for the stick defence classes!)

Them: 你要去哪里？(Where are you going)

Me: 我要回家 (I’m going home)

Them: 停止攀登门! 使用南门 (stop climbing the gate!)

Me: *Sigh*

The fifth time in the last month and I reckon the tenth since I got here so it’s about time I got the offical call.

“We are watching. Don’t do it again!”

Gah!  Plan B it is.